But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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