??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
