I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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