apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
