My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
