He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
