so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
