This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
