did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
