They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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