oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
