i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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