So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
