I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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