well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
