you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
