just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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