his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The beers last night were like the tears from god
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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