Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
honey bunches of taint.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
