he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
