we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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