shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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