Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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