listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
being pregnant is like rehab
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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