I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
