After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
