i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
