Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
