Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
