Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your cock deserves a montage
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
