You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
