I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
