Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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