So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
