Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
