so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
