I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
