what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
