The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
