and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
