its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
