Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you traded sex for a burrito?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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