the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Two words: nipple clamps
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