My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
