My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
