Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
