Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
