my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
