Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
