for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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