dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
