roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
